Jamming onstage to Doctor P during Stacked: Miami. RIP blue hair.
If you’ve ever heard me talk about my musical interests, you’ll know that I’m a massive basshead. I love everything about the Electronic Dance Music community, from the art of making heartfelt kandi bracelets and the secret handshake used to trade them, to the PLUR (Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect) motto, the flow arts (hula hoop dancing, poi, and flow wand) performances during a show, the ability to walk up to anyone and potentially make a new best friend, to the infectious energy radiating from the crowd. Being introduced to the EDM scene allowed me to express myself with reckless abandon, whether it be through dance, hooping, kandi-making, or interesting costume-like getups. But there’s one thing I don’t love about this community- the amount of slut shaming in response to girls wearing rave outfits that attempt to be both cute and comfortable.
TW: Sexual assault, death mention, slut shaming, drug mention, rape culture
A rave girl in fluffies and leg wraps. Source: iHeartRaves’ Instagram
When going to a rave or EDM show, you’re typically dancing for 4+ hours straight. Some venues won’t even let you sit down and rest, explaining that raving is “an endurance kind of thing.” On top of that, water can sell for a whopping $5, and any attempt to fill up a bottle results in a bathroom attendant angrily shutting off your tap (I’m looking at you, Echostage). This combination of factors adds up to a dangerous environment with the potential for overheating, or even death. In response to this, not to mention the ungodly amount of sweat that you and the people around you are releasing, girls will typically dress in booty shorts and tank tops or crop tops in an attempt to stay as cool as possible. Some girls will even wear bras and underwear to raves in a confident act known as “panty raving.” In addition to these basics, accessories such as fishnet tights, thigh-highs, leg wraps, furry hoods, lots of kandi bracelets and cuffs, and fluffies (furry leg warmers) will be worn. Sparkly eye makeup is also an essential. If a girl wishes to bring out her “bro-ier” side, she may wear a snapback or fitted hat, combat boots, or Vans. Some EDM subcultures trade fan-made pins that advertise one’s affinity for a certain band, DJ, DJ group, or other subcultural interest. These can be worn on hoods, hats, bags, or other accessories.
A Hello Kitty kandi cuff I made recently
One of the first things I do the morning after a show is search for pictures taken at the event. I do this mostly to take outfit inspiration from what other girls have worn, to find hilarious pictures of people caught with their “bass face” on when they get really into the music, and to generally relive the magic of the night. Unfortunately, when I find pictures of girls posing alone or together, typical comments involve boys dehumanizing the girls, determining whether they are “hot or not,” and criticizing them when they are showing too much skin. Guys, on the other hand, don’t typically receive criticism when they’re walking around with no shirt on, regardless of their attractiveness.
A Spongebob hat pin for the artist Pretty Lights. Source: Festival Treasures’ Etsy.
This double standard is shown at the actual events as well. Boys often believe that because a girl is wearing little clothing, she is sending the subliminal message that she wants to be touched and danced on, especially if she is alone. Since I occasionally go to shows by myself, I’ve experienced this way too many times to count. This phenomenon happens even when I’m in a group, but it happens significantly more when I’m obviously not with friends. When I’m approached by a boy, and I tell them that I’m not interested or that I’m gay (I actually identify as queer, but I often don’t feel like going on a rant about my sexuality when I just want someone to get off of me), they take it as an excuse and tell me that I’m too pretty to like girls. Typical.
One of my friends getting her hoop on
One particular instance of this was at a show I went to about a month ago. I was dancing with my hula hoop beside me, enjoying the music of Dada Life, who was headlining the show. A shirtless guy, noticing that I was alone, danced up to me and started talking to me. Being the friendly person that I am, I chatted with him for a bit until he asked what my shirt said. I lifted up my bandanna so that he could read it more clearly, and after he mouthed the words as he read, he said “Oh, I thought it said ‘touch these tits,’” or something equally childish, and proceeded to squeeze my breasts. I was so furious that I was ready to punch him, but I remained silent because I was so shocked that he thought what he did was okay. He laughed it off and tried to dance with me, but I had enough and told him that I wanted to dance by myself. After repeating this a couple times as he backed me up against a wall, I eventually shoved him off and told him to get the fuck away from me, which finally got the message across, apparently. He thankfully left without retaliation. As he walked away, I wondered what would have happened if he wasn’t rolling on MDMA (more commonly known as Molly or Ecstacy) or able to brush off my rejection.
Men need to learn to respect a woman’s boundaries, regardless of the setting, how much clothing the woman is wearing, and whether they are under the influence of drugs and alcohol or not. By telling
Bassnectar at the Fillmore in Silver Spring
women that the above factors contribute to making it their fault when they are assaulted, rape culture is actively perpetuated. If boys want to truly be a part of the EDM community, they need to recognize that ALL aspects of PLUR should affect their behavior at shows, not to pick and choose and conveniently leave out possibly the most important feature- respect. I’m so tired of seeing every guy at a show as a potential threat to my safety. I just want to dance and have fun, which, ultimately, is what raving is all about.
Unruly Bodies 
I have never been to a rave but I assume it’s close to the experience of going clubbing downtown. I like to dance the night away and if you’ve ever worn a long sleeve dress on a night of clubbing you know its super uncomfortable and really hot. This is one of the reasons I opt for shorts and crop tops or small dresses but unfortunately that has a tendency to draw negative attention. It is automatically assumed that a girl in shorts or a short form fitting dress must want some kind of male sexual attention. It can never be that wearing that outfit is done to be comfortable which is why so many of the guys that will approach a female in a seemingly sexual way are surprised when they get rejected. The idea is that a girl in sexy clothes must want sex.
Wow…for me, the only rave I’ve been to is at Otakon, which I was certainly danced up on and also groped. It sucks. It’s interesting how people think that if someone is dancing alone that that is an invitation to go and dance on them, when it’s not.
Plus, thanks for writing about the raver scene! It’s always been something I’ve been interested in, but was always nervous about. I was always curious about if people were called sluts for dressing in ‘revealing’ clothing – and my fears were correct. Which is awful.
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