2020 was a train wreck, a dumpster fire, the roller coaster we weren’t allowed to get off, and it doesn’t take much looking to realize everyone is fed up and burnout from the pandemic, over a year of condensed trauma (whether you or someone you knew got sick or not), incompetent people in power, social justice at the forefront of everywhere, up rooted and cancelled life plans, the world is a dart board with every inch covered in things that will decimate your ability to keep going. But 2021 seems to show that 2020 was just a prelude to what our everyday life will be like from here on out.
Content warning!! Candid mental health talk, sucide and suicidal ideation, and open talk about trauma responses (NO details will be given about the traumatic events).
We are all going through it right now, but what about those of us that have been in this rut for a while? My family has told me time and time again that “this is hard on everyone”. How does telling me that help? What is the expected response? That I am automatically cured? That I will instantly snap out of my darkness because they pointed out that I am not in fact the only one struggling? I wish that was how it worked. It would save me a lot of money on my medications and therapy sessions.
But the question then occurs to me- how do we help ourselves during this time? This “unprecedented time”? I can’t speak for everyone when I say the outer-world’s behavior has made me feel like I am crazy, but for those of us that have been quarantined since March, everyone that is behaving as though things are normal is driving me Nuts! Not being able to see people, hug my friends, or go get a cup of coffee as normal is pushing me into this dark box that months of therapy once helped me to escape. Sitting in the same room, marathoning the same TV shows, and staring at my screen all day, every day, is exactly what we Aren’t supposed to do. We are supposed to try to get some sunshine, some exercise, socialize, try to get out of the house and remember to brush our teeth and shower. All of that is out the window currently. At least where I am living, people go on walks, but rarely, if ever, wear masks. Socializing is out and what is the point in showering if we are just staying home in pjs? How do we adapt to this new reality for God knows how long?
Trying to stay safe while also maintaining a living is difficult, to say the least. All we can do is try to maintain social distancing guidelines, wear a mask, and hand sanitize All the time. In summary- just try to do your best. Even if that “best” today is getting some food in your system- no matter what it is.
For me? Going to work helps. Zoom calls and checkins. Formulating a schedule. Waking up earlier and petting my dogs. Medication. A more regulated sleep schedule. Small steps. Taking every day one at a time. Social distancing my loved ones. Having open and honest conversations have helped. We are all on the same boat, yes, but that does not mean you need to quiet your emotions or push them down to benefit others. You are valuable. You matter. Your feelings are valid. You are entitled to feel and share your voice. Yes, many are having a really hard time right now, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t struggling too. You are allowed to take up space! Set boundaries with friends and family. Find what your limits are in which you can help those you care about, while also maintaining your mental health. You deserve to be treated well. And the best person to take care of you is You. Remember to breathe and that you are not alone. Someone is in your corner, even if it doesn’t feel like it. You are loved and you are worth the effort.
About two months ago I took a large step, which I never thought that I would. I finally went to my doctor’s office and asked to be prescribed medication for depression. Depression is something that I have dealt with for a long time but I have also been very against taking medication to try and help with it. Partly because being on a medication for it would make it more real and not as easy to ignore and partly because I work in a pharmacy and I see the side effects that people have to deal with and how long and how many trial and errors can happen before they find the right medication. For the past couple years, I have gone back and forth trying to decide if I should go on medication or not. When I would have good days, or even weeks I would think no way I need medication I’m fine but then the bad days and weeks would hit and I would be stuck in bed wishing that I had something to help me because I no longer can do it on my own. Finally, after discussing it with my therapist and my pharmacist I decided to take the leap and get prescribed medication. So far it has been helpful and I notice that I do not feel so down all of the time which is nice. It is not a huge change, and I’m not fully convinced that my feeling better is not just a placebo effect but I am glad that I was able to finally take this chance and really start working towards bettering myself and not just suffering through to the next day.
Disability is an interesting subject when one gets truly down to it. What is considered a disability and what is not also varies. Mental disabilities, physical disabilities, these are both types, but what about when there is a confluence of two of three types all at once?
I call that, when I am referring to my own situation, being trans.
One of the topics that struck me the most in class the last few weeks was when we talked about mental illness and the people whose loved ones have mental illness. When people talk about mental illness, whether it be their own or just as a general topic, it’s hardly mentioned how other people are affected by someone’s mental illness. Yes the focus should be on the person who it working through this ordeal but it can also affect the others around. Continue reading →
The Book, “An Unquiet Mind” follows the story of Kay Redfield Jamison journey with bipolar disorder. I had to read this book for one of my college classes and was not looking forward to it. I have been on my own journey with bipolar disorder and was afraid the author would portray people with bipolar disorder, as being “crazy”, but aren’t people with bipolar disorder crazy anyway? Continue reading →
20ml of Paroxitine a day, 365 days a year. I have been taking this SSRI, or Selective Serotonin Re-uptake inhibitor before I knew what serotonin was. As it turns out, I have this chronic condition called Major Depressive Disorder. I can’t recall a time before being clinically depressed, and I don’t go a single day without feeling the weight of this pathology of mine. But this article isn’t about depression as much as it’s about what happens when you can’t take your medication.
I know this is the title to one of my favorite sings from Pink!’s album “I’m Not Dead” but it poses the question; just how long really? Until happiness?
I have been on antidepressants and anxiety medication for the past six years, after off and on therapy for 3 years before. Now I am not trying to write a sob story here. I am a strong and independent women. I am outgoing and have a bubbly personality, which is what confuses people I think- about these illnesses. Depression does not mean you are always in a bad mood
As the years have gone on, I began to wonder how long I will have to be on prescription medication. How long until my brain and body is able to sustain control on its own? How long until happy?
This is my disability, for I can adamantly see a difference in my mood from when I skip or miss a dosage. The difference is a very uncomfortable feeling that just reminds me that I am strong enough to cope without them…Yet!
Are these medications helping me or disabling me more?
Unruly Bodies 