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Archive for the ‘journey’ Category

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Image Source: http://www.avclub.com/article/theres-mash-rainbow-road-themes-all-8-mario-karts-206528

I’ll focus on my own experience here but I know there are going to be things about my experience that many other queer people can relate to in this regard.

My experience with queerness has never been linear, it has indeed been very queered. It has consistently involved not knowing about a way of being queer and then being introduced to the concept, a moment of reflection and then realizing “oh shit that’s me.” But I’ve also consistently struggled with coming to terms with these new labels and seeing how they fit me.

From the age of 12 to about a month away from turning 21 I had been on a journey of denial, internalization, grief over myself changing and growing, complete secrecy, exploration, etc. etc. about me being bi. I had come out after years of being afraid of myself, but in that time I also developed a yearning for community. When I came back to UMBC after two years of community college I knew that I’d want to seek out my community. Since then my reality as a queer person has shifted so greatly. I feel so liberated. Yet I grieve. I grieve for the ways I have been, not knowing if they are different than who I am now. My sense of self has been questioned. I don’t know if my new state of existing is just blurrier, or if things have just been just out of my sight this entire time and it constantly feels like both. I don’t know how consistent this person who is me is. (more…)

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As the new year is approaching and my 23nd Birthday right after (whoop whoop J ) (i feel super old L)  I have been thinking about each and every experience I encountered this year, people I met, people I no longer associate with, my family, friends, my health, basically every aspect of life. I feel the older I get, the wiser I become. The more I appreciate life, those who care about me. Recently, I have been having such a hard time forgiving people who have hurt me in the past. I’m not sure what is it, sometimes I could be completely fine, thinking I’ve put it all behind me and I’m no longer stressing about it. Other times I start reminiscing and bad memories start hunting my mind, then I start to hold so much anger and I become so upset towards those people. So I started asking myself how in the world am I supposed to forgive those people when I can’t seem to forget all the bad they have done to me. (more…)

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tumblr_n7r6vgKPpR1t6dcj7o1_500.jpgI’m getting tired of hearing that….

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So today we’re going to talk about my fun times with mental illness, since it’s the reason this blog post is late. Yay.

I didn’t plan on getting too personal for this blog; my list of topic ideas is mostly cultural critique. I’m sure I’ll come back to that list for later posts and even save some of them to put up on my own blog(s) eventually. Right now I need to process some meta before I can get back to doing the thing.

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