Today I want to share the things I’ve learned about my body and what it means to be energy encased in a physical form. Since I’ve been aware of my body and what it does and what it represents and what it means to be living in a physical body I’ve started to question why I’m living this life and what it means to be in the body that I’m in. I always question why am I here what is it in this life that I need to for fufil to transcend into higher dimensions. Living in a material reality it has taught me a lot of things about how our apperance is what put protrays so much about us and that without a body we wouldn’t exist on this plane. I recently came to the understanding that race being a social construction gender being a social construction and all the identities that we have created have been created for separation and/or self understanding. I’ve always felt that these labels hold a lot of humans back from being able to be there most optimal self mentally and physically. What I want to share is that you are beyond what all these identities have told you, that you are an infinite being than can transcend beyond all those labels if wanting to. It will be pretty cool if we didn’t have to identify one another by what our sexuality or gender is our races and that we could identify each other by who we are as people as individual beings. It doesn’t help us that these identifications are creating so much chaos and distraction and that were seeing ourselves separate from everybody though we are all connected. No this not a post about how you’re soul self can leave your body but these are just ideas and mindsets to keep in mind as you continue your journey in life. Question all the things that you were told and question all the things that were told upon who you are and know that all of the things that have been created or not real in retrospect of your being in this universe. know that your body is just a vehicle and know that this body is only temporary.
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Image Source: http://www.avclub.com/article/theres-mash-rainbow-road-themes-all-8-mario-karts-206528
I’ll focus on my own experience here but I know there are going to be things about my experience that many other queer people can relate to in this regard.
My experience with queerness has never been linear, it has indeed been very queered. It has consistently involved not knowing about a way of being queer and then being introduced to the concept, a moment of reflection and then realizing “oh shit that’s me.” But I’ve also consistently struggled with coming to terms with these new labels and seeing how they fit me.
From the age of 12 to about a month away from turning 21 I had been on a journey of denial, internalization, grief over myself changing and growing, complete secrecy, exploration, etc. etc. about me being bi. I had come out after years of being afraid of myself, but in that time I also developed a yearning for community. When I came back to UMBC after two years of community college I knew that I’d want to seek out my community. Since then my reality as a queer person has shifted so greatly. I feel so liberated. Yet I grieve. I grieve for the ways I have been, not knowing if they are different than who I am now. My sense of self has been questioned. I don’t know if my new state of existing is just blurrier, or if things have just been just out of my sight this entire time and it constantly feels like both. I don’t know how consistent this person who is me is. Continue Reading »
Posted in body politics, gender, gender identity, gender norms, gender roles, identity, journey, Journey To Happiness, LGBT, love, marriage, normal, polyamorous, queer time, relationship structures, relationships, Self care, Self identity, Self-Awareness, sexuality, societal norms, transgender, Uncategorized | Tagged gender identity, identity, personal, personal journey, polyamory, queer time, queerness, relationship structures, Self-discovery, Self-reflection, sexuality | Leave a Comment »
It has taken me awhile to get here, but on December 22, 2016 I finally graduate with my Bachelors of Science. I always get nervous and embarrassed when someone asks me what I do, and I respond that I’m a student also working full-time. I am afraid how they will react because I have been working on this degree on-and-off for ten years. Continue Reading »
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About two months ago I took a large step, which I never thought that I would. I finally went to my doctor’s office and asked to be prescribed medication for depression. Depression is something that I have dealt with for a long time but I have also been very against taking medication to try and help with it. Partly because being on a medication for it would make it more real and not as easy to ignore and partly because I work in a pharmacy and I see the side effects that people have to deal with and how long and how many trial and errors can happen before they find the right medication. For the past couple years, I have gone back and forth trying to decide if I should go on medication or not. When I would have good days, or even weeks I would think no way I need medication I’m fine but then the bad days and weeks would hit and I would be stuck in bed wishing that I had something to help me because I no longer can do it on my own. Finally, after discussing it with my therapist and my pharmacist I decided to take the leap and get prescribed medication. So far it has been helpful and I notice that I do not feel so down all of the time which is nice. It is not a huge change, and I’m not fully convinced that my feeling better is not just a placebo effect but I am glad that I was able to finally take this chance and really start working towards bettering myself and not just suffering through to the next day.
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