Archive for the ‘Self-Awareness’ Category


Image Source: http://www.avclub.com/article/theres-mash-rainbow-road-themes-all-8-mario-karts-206528

I’ll focus on my own experience here but I know there are going to be things about my experience that many other queer people can relate to in this regard.

My experience with queerness has never been linear, it has indeed been very queered. It has consistently involved not knowing about a way of being queer and then being introduced to the concept, a moment of reflection and then realizing “oh shit that’s me.” But I’ve also consistently struggled with coming to terms with these new labels and seeing how they fit me.

From the age of 12 to about a month away from turning 21 I had been on a journey of denial, internalization, grief over myself changing and growing, complete secrecy, exploration, etc. etc. about me being bi. I had come out after years of being afraid of myself, but in that time I also developed a yearning for community. When I came back to UMBC after two years of community college I knew that I’d want to seek out my community. Since then my reality as a queer person has shifted so greatly. I feel so liberated. Yet I grieve. I grieve for the ways I have been, not knowing if they are different than who I am now. My sense of self has been questioned. I don’t know if my new state of existing is just blurrier, or if things have just been just out of my sight this entire time and it constantly feels like both. I don’t know how consistent this person who is me is. (more…)

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You want to know what growing up with depression taught me?

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How do I begin this post? From when do I begin my story? Is in the beginning, where there is nothing but a life displaced from normal reality? Or is it when my time begins to realign into some almost normalcy? Or do I attempt to justify the future that I present with example of others that have glimpsed into the fearful reality of non-normalcy?

“You’re being way too poetic. Just start somewhere.” {“Also, why does this take almost 1900 words?” Banter, cumbersome prose, and a dogged attempt to display deep-mindedness.}

[She’s actually right, looking onto this post again. But I have no sense of inner identity that doesn’t revolve around florescent prose. {“So stop doing it.” No. Wait, you’re here now. “Yup.” You seem sedate. “Of course, you idi-dummy.” There was a big encounter yesterday, so everything’s lackadaisical.}]


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     After writing my paper on the argument of the body being a medium, it got me thinking about the question, ‘who am I?’.  In most cases, in order for the body to function as a medium of self-expression one need to know who they are in order to know what they are trying to express to others. So in order to express yourself, it is assumed that you know yourself. And of course this got me thinking about how would I answer the question “who am I”?

who-am-i     In my case the question ‘who are you?’ has to be one of the most difficult question for me to answer. Have you ever really looked at yourself and don’t know
really who you are? Like you know who you should be, what people (family, friends, etc,) expects you to be but apart from those expectations, you don’t know who you are? (more…)

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For a couple of weeks, I have noticed something that has been circling my life, that something is oppression. (more…)

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Our class discussion regarding nature and its many forms caused me to question my own understandings of how to define nature. I suppose I never really considered that nature can take on varying forms, and the concept of nature can exist on a spectrum (more…)

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Every child, for the most part, growing up, regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, social hierarchy, or where they are raised, are wished success, wealth, and health from their parental units. Only in the F-ed up situations, where the parents are really scummy people, do they not want the best for their offspring, or their adopts. But focusing primarily on the “good parents” or the parents who desire to see their children succeed, it is a unanimous trait to want a better life for their children versus the life that they had. This becomes possible through sacrifice, determination, and patience. With all of this being said, it is a responsibility for the child to achieve so much because of  what their parents are giving up in order for them to accomplish the dreams they have for themselves and the dreams that the parents have for them. (more…)

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