Posts Tagged ‘personal’


Image Source: http://www.avclub.com/article/theres-mash-rainbow-road-themes-all-8-mario-karts-206528

I’ll focus on my own experience here but I know there are going to be things about my experience that many other queer people can relate to in this regard.

My experience with queerness has never been linear, it has indeed been very queered. It has consistently involved not knowing about a way of being queer and then being introduced to the concept, a moment of reflection and then realizing “oh shit that’s me.” But I’ve also consistently struggled with coming to terms with these new labels and seeing how they fit me.

From the age of 12 to about a month away from turning 21 I had been on a journey of denial, internalization, grief over myself changing and growing, complete secrecy, exploration, etc. etc. about me being bi. I had come out after years of being afraid of myself, but in that time I also developed a yearning for community. When I came back to UMBC after two years of community college I knew that I’d want to seek out my community. Since then my reality as a queer person has shifted so greatly. I feel so liberated. Yet I grieve. I grieve for the ways I have been, not knowing if they are different than who I am now. My sense of self has been questioned. I don’t know if my new state of existing is just blurrier, or if things have just been just out of my sight this entire time and it constantly feels like both. I don’t know how consistent this person who is me is. (more…)

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As the new year is approaching and my 23nd Birthday right after (whoop whoop J ) (i feel super old L)  I have been thinking about each and every experience I encountered this year, people I met, people I no longer associate with, my family, friends, my health, basically every aspect of life. I feel the older I get, the wiser I become. The more I appreciate life, those who care about me. Recently, I have been having such a hard time forgiving people who have hurt me in the past. I’m not sure what is it, sometimes I could be completely fine, thinking I’ve put it all behind me and I’m no longer stressing about it. Other times I start reminiscing and bad memories start hunting my mind, then I start to hold so much anger and I become so upset towards those people. So I started asking myself how in the world am I supposed to forgive those people when I can’t seem to forget all the bad they have done to me. (more…)

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How do I begin this post? From when do I begin my story? Is in the beginning, where there is nothing but a life displaced from normal reality? Or is it when my time begins to realign into some almost normalcy? Or do I attempt to justify the future that I present with example of others that have glimpsed into the fearful reality of non-normalcy?

“You’re being way too poetic. Just start somewhere.” {“Also, why does this take almost 1900 words?” Banter, cumbersome prose, and a dogged attempt to display deep-mindedness.}

[She’s actually right, looking onto this post again. But I have no sense of inner identity that doesn’t revolve around florescent prose. {“So stop doing it.” No. Wait, you’re here now. “Yup.” You seem sedate. “Of course, you idi-dummy.” There was a big encounter yesterday, so everything’s lackadaisical.}]


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A Farewell to Grandpa

The first funeral that I went to was my grandpa’s. He was 89 when he passed away. Now, no one ever taught me about the rituals that take place at a funeral. I only knew that I had to wear black. (more…)

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I had never heard of the term, “Intersex” or never really knew that people could be born with both male and female genitalia. It wasn’t until when I took a human sexuality course that I got to learn about the intersex bodies. Intersex bodies seems to be this secret that people are too afraid to talk about, due to the gender identity gap that is associated with it. A lot of people who are intersex find it very difficult to speak about their body, because from an early age they were told not to talk about their body. (more…)

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I guess we all know the feeling of being heartbroken. The nonstop crying, the headache, the baggy eyes, the hate, the loneliness and the list goes on. Most of us associate heartbreak with only the psychological effects, and forget how much of a tool this can have to our body. See, being heartbroken has so much more to do then just going into depression. (more…)

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In 4 days I will not have had a cigarette for 11 months.

Quit-Smoking-Cigarettes (more…)

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