“You’re Really Good At Taking Everyone’s Sh!t”

Whose Fault Is It?

Emotional labor is the act of “regulating or managing emotional expressions with others as part of one’s professional work role”. For the context of this blog post, I will also be referencing emotional work as well, which is the role people use in any social context.
RANT: Every post, YouTube video, and link that I looked at typically focused on the emphasis of how women have been the brute focus of emotional work and often, labor. WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?!
BLOG: Ideally, men have been the focus, but in our current generation, I am starting to wonder if men are becoming the scapegoat for blame. There are good and bad things to this, but I can only share my experiences. From growing up in a household as an adopted child to working in hospitality at some of the best hotels in the Houston area, to coming home and being expected to “clean up everyone else’s shit” (one of my ex’s fathers literally told me this and suggested I work for some type of plumbing company) to experiencing my own version of emotional labor is…exhausting. As a recommendation, if you’re dealing with being the emotional laborer of your family or workplace, I suggest counseling, good friends, hobbies, and money.
Now that I have your attention, the emphasis on emotional labor during this period of the class was for women. Honestly, I love that. Often, the strongest women in my life have carried the emotional labor of EVERYONE in the family. My Grandmother (capital G, because she truly is a G), and my Aunt (who raised me, God bless her soul) have not only raised multiple members of the family but have guided others and influenced people for generations to come. I can endlessly explain what they have done for everyone, including my impaired brother (this falls into the disability category of the past few weeks, but I decided to not go in-depth with these issues and instead focus on emotional labor…anyway) My Grandmother has done amazing things as a widowed woman, and when my grandfather was alive, what I recall of him, he was a remarkable man, veteran, and overall generally good person. In order for him to be that he needed to have an even stronger woman there to not only support him, but to motivate and guide him. We so often focus on a certain gender, but I think its vital to focus and include everyone because we cannot physically do it all on our own – even if social media suggests that we do.
When it comes to emotional labor for myself, as an older male, I grew up with the family vibe of “you want it? Do it yourself” This mindset has its own version of toxic masculinity and it worked for a time, but as I have grown older and started practicing gratitude, meditation, and fitness, I have learned that kindness is the key to growing. However, that is also the curse of being easily manipulated and being the scapegoat out of a lack of emotion – if you allow yourself to be. When working as a hotel supervisor, I found myself taking on the emotional verbal abuse of people that travelled so far and attempted to check in, but one minor inconvenience (Well…one time there was a major inconvenience, we sold out and by the time they got there…the people didn’t have a room… and they were diamond members which is equivalent to being a traveling version of Karen) set them over the top, and I had to apologize profusely, make up for their issues by giving them a free nights stay at another hotel, etc… all while keeping a smile on my face. So dumb, but it was vital in learning how to maneuver around people when they are angry and teaching myself how to stay calm in the face of disappointment. That’s an invaluable trait and lessons/memories that I am grateful for.
I don’t know, I am a believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I should allow myself to be the gatekeeper of my own “shit”, to be more selfish and selfless at the same time, and to lack the attempt to understand everything and everyone around me but I cant do that shrug. In essence, I think all of us must have some type of role in emotional labor, but please, don’t forget to take care of your mental, physical, and financial well-being. Your family, friends, and pets will thank you for it. (I will always choose to be kind and thank you to all of the people in my life, wouldn’t be me without YOU).

The Unspoken Truth about Working Out

Growing up as an Asian American, I always had a fast metabolism and never weighed above 100 pounds. No matter how much I tried to eat, I could never gain the weight. If I lost any weight for any reason, it was hard to gain it back. Medical professionals would tell me that I needed to “eat a cheeseburger” because my weight was not considered ‘healthy.’ I was not allowed to donate blood because I did not reach the weight minimum. I was tired of being told how ‘weak and small’ I looked, envying anyone with more noticeable curves or physical strength. I refused to take pictures for months, archiving my entire feed on Instagram and hiding my body as much as I could. I was sick of the body I was in. So in 2019, I began to research ways I can transform the way I look as quickly as possible. 

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder?

Nowadays, we often find ourselves letting society define what is acceptable/not acceptable, or what is beautiful/ugly, e.t.c. So a while ago I was speaking with my friend and she tells me that she wants to go for a swim, but that she can’t go because of the fact that she has a lot of stretch marks on her thighs and stomach. She is not the first person that I have come across that talks about how they feel ashamed and ugly because they have stretch marks. I have also come to realize that this thought process is often associated with women.

In my opinion, this is absolutely nonsense/absurd, just like scars I find stretch marks to be rather beautiful and I feel like it’s one of the things that defines you as a person. This to me also shows our cultural differences because in my country (Nigeria), a woman having stretch marks is actually celebrated. To Nigerians it’s a sign of wealth and healthy living. Society (mostly men) needs to do a better job in giving people the opportunity to be themselves. No one should be insulted/attacked/harassed for having stretch marks because if anything, stretch marks enhances a persons beauty.

A for effort?

My brother and I were driving to school on Friday last week and on the radio they were talking about Obesity. Obesity is a huge problem in the United States of America. More than one-third (35.7 percent) of adults are considered to be obese. More than 1 in 20 (6.3 percent) have extreme obesity. Almost 3 in 4 men (74 percent) are considered to be overweight or obese. These are just numbers and there is more to it than that. But we cannot ignore the amount of health problems that comes with obesity.

So apparently right now some companies are trying things out to reduce the level of obesity in America. I heard them talk on the radio about how companies are considering taxing and also reducing the sugar quantity in all these soft drinks or beverages, in order to get people not to buy it as much and also drop a couple of pounds.

In my opinion, while these sound like interesting methods to cut down the obesity level in America, I just don’t think they would really be effective. Like how much tax are you really going to be allowed to put on something like soda to get people who really want it not to buy it? Maybe reducing the sugar quantity might help, but I feel as though a lot of people might be angered by this.

 

Has it gone that far?

My aunt and cousin were trying to lose some weight for a couple of years, but kept seeing no progress. So about 8months ago they both engaged in a surgical process called Gastric Bypass. Gastric bypass is surgery that helps you lose weight by changing how your stomach and small intestine handle the food you eat. After the surgery, your stomach will be smaller. You will feel full with less food. This process is done to help people who are struggling with weight loss. Since after the surgery both of them have lost a substantial amount of weight. 

I just want to say that I have no problem with people who decide to do through these procedures, but while it is good news to see/hear that they are losing weight, I can’t help but ask how far would you go just to look good? What ever happened to personal willpower? Why do we have to rely on all these different surgical processes to lose weight. I can understand if you have a thyroid condition, but if you do not have any condition, then I strongly suggest that you trust on your own self will and power. Losing weight is an experience, it is something that you should be proud to tell others about. No one ever said its going to be easy, but if you have a good diet plan and you make even just a little effort to workout, you will definitely drop some weight. If you have been trying for a while and it is not working, then you need to take a step back, try to do somethings differently and then be patient.

Now and Then

At some point in my life I was 325lbs of pure fat. This was a result of me eating too much (having a sweet tooth and loving junk food) and not working out, I did not have any health conditions that caused me to be fat. Something as little as climbing up the stairs to get to my room, would get me breathing heavily and sweating. Looking myself in the mirror was always very difficult because my man-boobs and love-handles would irritate and make me feel uncomfortable. I remember all the insults I received from some of my family members, peers, and even strangers about my weight. Some of them were being hateful and bullies, but most of them were actually just trying to help/motivate me to lose weight. It didn’t matter if they had good or bad intentions, I was always sensitive about my weight.

Gymtimidation.

One of my favorite things to talk about is gyms. Not because I’m a hardcore “gym rat” or that I consider it a hobby

Can you be considered fabulous when you’re fat?

Several days ago I came across a show with a woman crying during an interview. She was crying because she was talking about how people make fun of her for being over weight. I immediately stayed on the channel to learn more about this woman. What I learned in that one hour gave me confidence in myself that I desperately needed.