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Posts Tagged ‘death’

I hate birthdays – mine, in particular. It’s just a reminder that I’m getting older – that another year of my time on this earth has passed. And you definitely don’t feel any different than the day before (my grandmother ALWAYS asks me that). (more…)

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A Farewell to Grandpa

The first funeral that I went to was my grandpa’s. He was 89 when he passed away. Now, no one ever taught me about the rituals that take place at a funeral. I only knew that I had to wear black. (more…)

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Whenever I feel fear or uneasiness I am no longer able to engage in discussions. I shut down.

Today in class when were discussing Trumpet, specifically the question regarding the smell of death in the room shortly after Joss’s death, I felt myself unable to pay attention. I tried to take notes to keep myself engaged or read along with the passages being read but my mind was scattered and I did not feel present.

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TW: death, sudden death, mental illness
My body freaks me out. I’ve never really understood how to embody it properly, to feel right in it. I guess there is no wrong way to embody your body, but I have always felt confused and afraid of my own. There’s so much about it that I can’t know—so much that is left automatic, and so much that could go wrong—and that inability to really, confidently know if I am safe in my body has literally driven me crazy at points in my life.

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Can you spare a heart?

heart

Guys, I just want to put it all out there. For over a year, I’ve struggled to find the right words to make sense of the sudden passing of my father on April 26th, 2014.

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I woke the morning of Tuesday, May 22, 2007 to a horror nothing could have prepared me for; my eight-week old son, Cyrus, had died overnight. My sleepy, sing-song, morning greetings to my baby were met with lifelessness. My memories of that day are mere flashes of moments: (more…)

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My experience with organ donation.

When I was small, I riffled through my mother’s purse looking at the different membership cards. Then, I stumbled upon her driver’s license. (more…)

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My New Body

My friend and ex co-worker moved to Georgia a couple of years ago. She began dating a guy I’d never met, but he seemed charasmatic and energetic enough to keep up with her. He was the best person to get to know through photos- bald with a beard down to his belt buckle, tattooed everywhere, and toured all the time with my friend and his metal band- they seemed to always be having a good time.

A month ago yesterday, they were in a motorcycle accident while he was driving. She’s still in the hospital with a few broken bones, but will make a full recovery. After being in a coma overnight, he passed away from his injuries the day after.

Like I said, I’ve never met him, but I’ve been so torn up about her loss, and have witnessed the journey of her mourning process since he passed. I have a very small family and have been fortunate to have never suffered tragic loss, so maybe her story seems bigger to me than it does to others, but it’s affecting me in real ways.

I’ve been questioning my mortality daily. Maybe because he was so young and so like me. Maybe because of how I’d feel if my boyfriend passed. He justified his literally hundreds of tattoos by saying he wanted to copy his grandfather’s dumb tattoos, and implying that it is merely flesh, and flesh is not permanent.

My goal is to remember that nothing is permanent. I’ve never even met him, and I got a tattoo for him. I hope it reminds me every day that soon enough I’ll be gone too, and to truly live happily and be kind to others because all of it only matters up until this moment.

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This post isn’t actually about bodies but it relates to our class discussions about the Ferguson case and the protests in general. As I read the post from the link below, I just got more and more frustrated that people actually found offense to the protests on campus over the last two weeks. People said that it was really just shouting, disruptive and was pointless. In doing the protests I didn’t think that anyone could take offense to it but that’s obviously because I felt more invested in it so I never thought of it that way but If anyone had any interest or opinion on the protests, can you please comment about them?

This is the thread that I found on the myUMBC homepage that makes me wonder, Was anyone in class offended by the protests?

http://my.umbc.edu/discussions/14049

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Yesterday I participated in the Mike Brown protest at UMBC in front of the UC. Not just because I’m black and i felt i HAD to but walking past the people who have been there since 8am and thinking of what they were fighting for, I felt at that moment that was the best way I could show my support. I’ve been following the since August, when we first learned of the shooting. (more…)

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