Posts Tagged ‘life’

As the new year is approaching and my 23nd Birthday right after (whoop whoop J ) (i feel super old L)  I have been thinking about each and every experience I encountered this year, people I met, people I no longer associate with, my family, friends, my health, basically every aspect of life. I feel the older I get, the wiser I become. The more I appreciate life, those who care about me. Recently, I have been having such a hard time forgiving people who have hurt me in the past. I’m not sure what is it, sometimes I could be completely fine, thinking I’ve put it all behind me and I’m no longer stressing about it. Other times I start reminiscing and bad memories start hunting my mind, then I start to hold so much anger and I become so upset towards those people. So I started asking myself how in the world am I supposed to forgive those people when I can’t seem to forget all the bad they have done to me. (more…)

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2016 has been very hellish for me. There has been a ton of loss. I have dealt with a new kind of loss; the loss of a person who is still alive. In March I went through a very ugly break-up. One which I never thought I would recover from; one I am still trying to recover from.  (more…)

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When I tell people that I identify as a lesbian I find that I often have people make comments to me like “oh, but you don’t look gay” or “yeah, I could tell by the way you dress and carry yourself.” I have always found it very strange how people can have such different opinions and views of someone simply from the way they dress and look. It has always bothered me when people would say to me that “I don’t look gay.” What is gay supposed to look like? How am I supposed to respond to that? In this class we have discussed a lot about how our bodies are mediums and are really important for expressing ourselves to the world around us. Not everything that I do is to express that I am gay. I dress the way I do because it is comfortable and because it is what I like, not to make sure that my sexual orientation is known. Some days I wear dresses, and other days I wear jeans and boots which some would say make me look more “masculine” but I dress and carry myself the way I do because it is what is comfortable for me. Which is really important for me since it has only been recently that I have felt comfortable with my body and my style. Most people wouldn’t respond to someone who says that they are straight with “oh, you don’t look straight” so why is it believed to be okay to say it to someone who is not. Especially when people follow the statement with, “it’s a compliment that you don’t.” How a statement like that is supposed to be a complement is beyond me. I am just living my life in the most comfortable way that I can and know how to at this point.

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I guess we all know the feeling of being heartbroken. The nonstop crying, the headache, the baggy eyes, the hate, the loneliness and the list goes on. Most of us associate heartbreak with only the psychological effects, and forget how much of a tool this can have to our body. See, being heartbroken has so much more to do then just going into depression. (more…)

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Have you ever thought to yourself: “I’d rather be dead than disabled?” It’s not an unusual reflection. Disability, in everyday thought, is associated with failure, with dependency and with not being able to do things. We feel sorry for disabled people, because we imagine it must be miserable to be disabled. (more…)

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My New Body

My friend and ex co-worker moved to Georgia a couple of years ago. She began dating a guy I’d never met, but he seemed charasmatic and energetic enough to keep up with her. He was the best person to get to know through photos- bald with a beard down to his belt buckle, tattooed everywhere, and toured all the time with my friend and his metal band- they seemed to always be having a good time.

A month ago yesterday, they were in a motorcycle accident while he was driving. She’s still in the hospital with a few broken bones, but will make a full recovery. After being in a coma overnight, he passed away from his injuries the day after.

Like I said, I’ve never met him, but I’ve been so torn up about her loss, and have witnessed the journey of her mourning process since he passed. I have a very small family and have been fortunate to have never suffered tragic loss, so maybe her story seems bigger to me than it does to others, but it’s affecting me in real ways.

I’ve been questioning my mortality daily. Maybe because he was so young and so like me. Maybe because of how I’d feel if my boyfriend passed. He justified his literally hundreds of tattoos by saying he wanted to copy his grandfather’s dumb tattoos, and implying that it is merely flesh, and flesh is not permanent.

My goal is to remember that nothing is permanent. I’ve never even met him, and I got a tattoo for him. I hope it reminds me every day that soon enough I’ll be gone too, and to truly live happily and be kind to others because all of it only matters up until this moment.

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This video is one of my favorites. I believe that most people fall in love more than once in their lifetime. Some are just the “ideas” of what being in love really is… we yearn to feel accepted and crave that feeling of Love by different people.  (more…)

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