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Archive for the ‘In the Body’ Category

The Fear of Fear Itself

Content warning: Home invasion, home intruders, fear, potentially sensitive topics

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What It Feels Like to Hiccup

You have the hiccups. What do you do? Think about this for a second. Odds are, you came to an answer to this question rather quickly. Have you ever stopped and wondered why that works?

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About a month ago I went to visit my Doctor for the first time in about 5 years. I found after a certain age my primary physician was replaced by my gynecologist.

In general I think I’m healthy other than once a year getting the common cold or flu. Since the beginning of this semester I hadn’t been feeling my normal self. I had been suffering from stomachaches constantly, feeling exhausted even after a full night rest and suffering from headaches daily.

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Come along friends and allow me to tell you about the time that my body was invaded by an alien…

(No aliens have been harmed in the making of this post)

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disability-320trans

 

 

It is always the same scenario.  Someone who is either blind, struggling to guide their way throughout the bus with their walking stick tapping the ground in a rhythmic motion, or someone who cannot walk, as the bus driver has to take the extra minutes to load that individual in a wheelchair into the front of the vehicle.   While all this is happening, I usually look away uncomfortably.  But the question is why?  I’ve decided to answer with that I feel guilty.  But why should I feel guilty?  I haven’t contributed to what society calls their “disability”.  But somehow I feel somewhat responsible for the way the blind can never see the beautiful scenery during a hike, or the deaf may never be able to hear the wonderful melodies embedded in music.  Maybe it’s the fact that I enjoy these pleasures, that it is tearing me inside.  Sometimes I wish it was me . . . . that I was blind, deaf, lame, dumb and so on.  I feel that then the guilt would disappear because I would be stripped of the “pleasures” society says that I have.

But are the disabled really suffering? Is that a legitimate cause for me to feel guilty?  The strange thing is, I only feel this way towards disabled individuals that are strangers to me.  I know at least one person very well that is disabled.  And I wouldn’t even call her “disabled” because she is so driven and strong.  She doesn’t seem to experience any limitations and boldly reaches for the same opportunities that I or any other “normal” person would want.  Because of that, I feel no sense of guilt around her, she greatly inspires me.  Maybe if I stopped to look at the “disability” of others and feel sorry and crappy about it, as society has so often told us to do, I would see greatness and not sympathy.

To be honest, I never dared to express my thoughts on my guilt toward disabled people.  To me, I thought it was inappropriate to do so.  But now letting all my thoughts out here in this post for the first time, I’ve realized that it is society that is causing my guilt, not the disabled.  The disabled are not telling me to feel sorry for them, society is; the disabled are not telling me to look away, society is; the disabled are not telling me they are not enjoying life, society is.  And looking back on it, the way society is downgrading the disabled is really shattering.

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At the beginning of this class’ section on disability studies, we created a list of a variety of disabilities that may or may not be recognized by society. We listed the ones most people think of, like physical and mental disabilities, but when we began talking about “invisible” disabilities, something struck a chord in me.

TW: Blood mention (more…)

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So this past summer I made a very important purchase, an investment.

I bought myself a Diva Cup.

When I told my mother this she literally replied with “¿De que carajo es una Diva Cup?” – literal translation: What the f**ck is a Diva Cup. She was still confused when I explained it to her, no longer about what it actually is but why I would even want to use it. She said it sounded “dirty” and “gross”. She wasn’t mean about it but I could hear the judgement in her voice. It made her uncomfortable and I understand that. I’m not going to lie, her reaction hurt my feelings and I felt defensive. Yet her response is exactly what I expected to hear.

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(Talk of Menstrual Blood to come!)

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