A doctor’s view on health

I’ve always been active. In high school I was a year round athlete and my body reflected this. Looking back on pictures I can hardly believe that I looked like that because I always saw myself as huge. According to my weight which was 15-30 pounds higher than my friends I thought that I was so much larger than I was at 135 pounds, I had an extremely warped view on my body. Now as a senior in college I have gained about 20 pounds and it is a continuous struggle to love myself. There are days I stand in front of my mirror and feel empowered and beautiful and strong and there are days when I’m getting dressed with friends or looking at old pictures that I feel like somehow I’m failing, but why do I think that way?

Fatness, Doctors, & Shame

I’ve always been fat. And until a couple of years ago, I was completely unaware that I had permission to love my body exactly the way it was. And so does everyone else. Everything changed when I discovered body positive bloggers on Tumblr who wrote about fatness. When I first read these posts, it was as if a wave of recognition washed over me – I felt validated and like I was no longer alone.

I Got Nothing

There was a time in my life not that long ago in which the only value or self-worth I had depended on others, men in particular.  That was the only way that I knew that I had worth, was if someone else found me desirable.

*possible trigger warning for negative sexual experiences (coercion for example)*

The Great Wall of Penis

Last year Kelly Martin Broderick wrote a blog post about The Great Wall of Vagina. As an artist myself I was able to appreciate the wall as art. I cannot imagine the time and effort the artist put into every cast. The fact that so many women took time to participate is amazing!

I decided to do a bit of research and came across PENIS. Big ones, short ones, fat ones, long one and the list goes on. Joseph Tailor’s project entitled ‘Art Work “100” ‘ is a casting project of many penis. This made me extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t understand why. I don’t mind looking at my boyfriend’s penis. His is pretty cool. I also didn’t mind looking at the wall of vaginas.

(Yes that is a Golden Penis. Not to be confused with the Golden Snitch)

Thinking hard -no pun intended- about my feelings I came to the conclusion that it was because of the form of the penis. Let me explain:

The vaginas on the great wall are all carefully placed and appear to be that of relief sculptures. They are delicate and unique. This is truly how a vagina looks.

While each penis is also unique I felt almost as if they were looking at me. I realize it was easiest to capture the mold of a penis while it was hard but this is not realistic. A man’s penis can only achieve maximum size when it is erect. Does that mean you’re “less of a man” when it’s not?

Family Ties

LOVE!

This Thanksgiving break, I went to visit my family in Webster, New York. We do this every year, making the six-hour drive from Annapolis to the upstate NY area, right on the edge of Lake Ontario. It’s beautiful, and it’s cold. Apparently, I am also cold, because I find it really difficult to connect with my cousins, even though I love them to pieces (as you can see in the photo above).

No Shave November: A Reflection

So this year, I partook in my first ever No Shave November. If you haven’t heard of this, it’s a month long event in which participants forgo shaving their body hair. I am not sure of the event’s origins, but have heard of several different reasons behind it, one of them being to raise cancer awareness. However, I think it has come to be understood as more of a personal challenge for people to undertake.

It is much more commonplace for men to partake in No Shave November, but the event is not exclusive to men. Still, it has generally come to be viewed as an exclusively male event as men are largely the only participants to document their experience on social media. This could be due to the fact that for men, No Shave November usually means growing out facial hair, and it is much less shocking for a man to share a photo or story of growing out his facial hair than it is for a woman to share a photo or story of growing out her armpit or leg hair. I think the stigma surrounding female body hair has helped perpetuate the idea of No Shave November as an exclusively male event.

Darn tootin’!
Courtesy of sassyecards.com

I had never thought of partaking before this year. In fact, my participation this year sort of happened by accident. 

~Read Me Queer Bby~

As I scroll through the endless stream of photos on the internet – mainly my tumblr – I can’t help but be overwhelmed by how many adorable queer folks there are.  With amazing haircuts, clothing, artwork, music, everything.  Babes all on the internet with super cute selfies, what more could one want?

Only as I as I spend more time seeing these images, I become aware of a question that always seems to be lingering in the back of my mind when it comes to my sexuality.

Am I queer enough?

Oh Dear god-What have I done?

So I did it!

After Months  and MONTHS of growing my hair-countless hours sitting in a chair getting braids done, never ending conversations with myself about how great the end result will be and endless hours spent viewing pictures of afros on tumblr– I finally chopped my hair.  

Save Your Tits

Earlier this week, my boyfriend sent me a link to an article about boobies!

Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who is the fairest one of all?
Is it the one over there, that skinny girl
or the one with the curves who should give the title a whirl?
Does it go to those wearing the latest brands
or those from the thrift store stands?
People who embrace their “natural beauty”
or those who wear make up as if its their destined duty?
Those dressed nice and straight laced
or those who take trends and happily deface.

…

Snow White you say?
Are you sure your opinion does not sway?
What makes her so special?
Her beauty is not so pure!
She sleeps with 12 men
and never goes outdoors…
(If you argue, take a look
at her skin which is as white as paper in a book)

No. I should not be crude.
My self worth is not based on how she is viewed.
Insulting her does not make me happy
it just makes me seem crabby.
No amount of name-calling will that change
I can only assess the problem in front of me, this issue I estrange

How dare you say I am not beautiful, not the fairest?!
You have no proof on that, I do suggest.
More than that, I know you’re wrong,
In my mind and heart your words do not belong.
I am beautiful, I do declare.
Your opinion, forever more, I do forswear.