(content warning: sexual assault)
I still remember that day in July. It was at a weird time in my life. I had been back on hormones for a few months now, after having been off for way too long due to a bad combo of adhd and anxiety making my life much harder than it needed to be. Similarly I had been working for the past few months in a grocery store. It was a frustrating job but at the very least it paid me.
Continue readingWith the constant hustle and bustle of our ever changing society, it seems like taking a break is viewed as “weak”. We’re expected to perform 120% every single day with little to no leeway or remorse – but why is that? I understand in the working world, notice is required if you want to take off – but how can you plan the unexpected two weeks in advance? Things happen and it’s okay, but time and time again employers, teachers, and society in general show us that it’s not. I’ve worked in the restaurant industry for years and one story always stays with me. I had worked a double shift the previous night and I was expected to come into work in the morning. This was a typical weekend for me, but I was going through a lot outside of work and didn’t have easy access to an iron for my shirt and pants. As much as I wanted to take off, I knew I couldn’t without repercussions. I went in that morning and within 5 minutes my manager looked at my shirt, (I really tried my best to uncrumple it without an iron lol) and sent me home. I mean, I guess I got what I wanted – but why did I have to go through all that when I was ready to work, just to be treated like that? You take abuse for years in that industry, just to come out with little to nothing to show for it.
The laboring body is incredibly important in putting the pieces together, whether we realize it or not, but that doesn’t mean the body should take abuse by the isolating effect or how Slavishak put it “[it] is easy to lose sight of human labor in a capitalist system centered on service, global outsourcing, and automated assembly”. We all have a wealth of unique situations – that’s what makes us human – but we shouldn’t be punished or viewed differently because we took a day or two off. I guess it’s getting better though, every day, and it helps that we are having dialogue about this now. It’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to breathe and live. We’re not corporate machines – our mental and physical well-being comes before anything else. One day at a time.
Jobs that require physical work are hard to some extent, but nothing can beat emotional labor. When one works physically others can see him/her working and they know their body is being utilized for the job. Emotional labor is more of behind-the-scenes labor that only the person going through can see and understand. If you’re physically tired from work, you can sleep it off and be better the next day. But the emotional level affects mental health in a way. For example, when I was working at chipotle which was my first job, I had to deal with a lot of emotions. While I was physically working, I would constantly get scolded by the managers for being “too slow” or giving “bigger” portion sizes. Or sending me to clean the tables off because I wasn’t good enough to be in the lane to prepare bowls. All of that took a toll on me because it was hard to manage my emotions and work in a busy environment. It was almost as if I didn’t even have time to unravel anything. That kept going on every day and the emotions kept building up. Physical labor was never an issue but the emotions that came with it didn’t do me any good. It is better to leave that job than it letting it get to your mental health because some of these people will keep reminding you that you are not good enough and can be easily replaced. However, I feel like some people are targeted and taken advantage of because they don’t retaliate in a serious situation and let the managers treat them however they continue to treat them. Not only that, but the race could be another reason, a try to get a certain person to stop working there by emotionally torturing them. I feel like sometimes, the managers and coworkers automatically put certain people in categories by how able they are, and I was “less able” for that job. It is human nature to judge people based on certain visible things and categorize them into categories and assume that they’d be bad at some tasks just because of the things they noticed in them. There is a lot of discrimination in the workplace which can lead to emotions being built up and starting to affect mental health.
Step 1: Get married
Step 2: Have kids
Now I will not lie, I dreamt of my wedding day since I was a kid. It is a want of mine but that want is slowly diminishing nowadays seeing the state of humanity. There is no compassion in people anymore, no empathy, no chivalry. Maybe I just have bad taste in men but why would I subject myself to entrapment if I won’t get all my needs met? Just like Dr.Kate said in class, more women now do not want to get married because men won’t do anything to help the house and more men want to marry in order to get out of doing housework. Why should I have to nag my husband to clean, to do simple chores? Wives are expected to mother their partners and later, kids. Not to mention that some fathers think of taking care of their own kids as babysitting. Frankly, it seems more like hell than a dream. The role of a wife is to cook, clean, and care for everyone in the family. The role of a husband is to work and do absolutely nothing after or cheat because life is too hard after having the kids they wanted.
Currently, my new favorite show to binge is “Desperate Housewives”. This doesn’t help my views of marriage and kids either, all the characters have real struggles when it comes to marriage and kids. The children lie and are complete menaces to their mothers, the trouble they go through to raise young kids and teens would honestly make me lose my mind. It happened to three of the mothers in the show, one checked herself into a mental institution after her son falsely accused her of abuse and her daughter ran away to be with a boy, one committed suicide over a crime she did to protect her psychotic son, one started popping Adderall like candy to be the perfect wife and mother. All their husbands have affairs or work so much that they are never home to help with the kids, leaving their wives to suffer alone. I know it is an exaggeration but it is a struggle for wives and mothers to have all these pressures on their shoulders. As someone who already struggles with mental health issues, being a mother and a neglected wife would be my last straw.
If your dream is to get married and have kids then of course follow your dreams but be realistic. The gender role of being a wife and mother makes you handle all the responsibilities alone, the husband won’t help much if even at all. Are you prepared to go down this path alone? Look at Dr.Kate, if she had kids she wouldn’t be able to go to Paris in January. Kids and marriage come with the cost of freedom and a whole lot of sacrifices as a woman. However, for men, it won’t devastate their life.
Maternal mortality refers to the death of a woman from complications of pregnancy or childbirth that occur during the pregnancy or within 6 weeks after the pregnancy ends. Maternal morbidity describes any short- or long-term health problems that result from being pregnant and giving birth. Approximately 700 women die in the U.S. each year because of pregnancy or delivery complications, but an estimated 60% of these are preventable. Maternal morbidity affects approximately 50,000 to 60,000 women each year, and the numbers are increasing The United States which is one of the most developed countries in the would have such high rates in maternity deaths and there are extreme racial and ethnic disparities in rates of pregnancy-related death. Women of color especially black women are four times more likely to die during or after childbirth than their white women.
Women of color are often not taken seriously when they talk about being in pain or discomfort. In addition, birth options are not even offered so, and these women have no choice but hospital delivery which usually tends out to be a C-sections. I would say as a black woman I haven’t had a child yet but when I hear experiences of black women during pregnancy and after childbirth it is really scary. My coworker shared her experience having a baby where more than 15 resident doctors where in the delivery room. She stated that up till date she experiences PTSD on the situation and even when she complained about being in pain, they weren’t taken seriously and was told she didn’t need pain relief and black women can handle pain very well. I think black women should be given the options and talked about these situations, because pregnancy and childbirth can be a traumatic experience and it is important to make this experience less traumatic.
After watching the documentary “Aftershock” there is a lot I learned and took into consideration. Black women in between 845 and 1849 were used as experiments. Sims the father of gynecology used enslaved black women to develop his techniques for surgical repair and these surgeries were done without the use of anesthesia. This is really sad to know how much pain these women were in.
Mothers who use midwives and doulas are more likely to experience physical, emotional, and informational support during labor, birth, and in the immediate postpartum period. Women of color should be given more birth options as to whether they would like to have a hospital birth or have their child in a birth center. Personally I would like to experience giving birth at a center and having a midwife and doula throughout my pregnancy.
I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight is the first thing I think of when I wake up every morning at 5am.
Continue readingIt is no secret that, despite decades of progress toward gender equality, chauvinism is still a prevalent force today.
Though it is believed that primarily women suffer because of this, it would be naive to say that men are exempt from its effects. Indeed, gender discrimination can have a profound impact on both men and women, often in ways that are not immediately obvious. Men are often expected to be strong and independent, while women are often expected to be nurturing and gentle. This double standard can negatively impact them in a few ways. It can lead to men feeling diminished and devalued. For example, some people may think that all women are irrational and emotional, or that all men are irresponsible. It is difficult to know where to begin when discussing the topic of gender bias. One could start by discussing the history of sexism, how it has evolved, or even how it is defined. Mostly because of sexist stereotypes, it is thought that gender inequality only harms women. However, sexism can also be harmful to men. It is not uncommon for men to be made fun of for being weak or for being overly sensitive. These jokes are often considered to be benign, but they can have a lasting negative impact on men. They can also lead men to feel that they must hide their emotions to fit into society’s expectations.
It can also be referred to as the double standard when it comes to expectations for what men and women should do. Although it is not always easy to spot sexism, it is easy to identify a double standard. When a man behaves in a sexist manner, he is seen as acting in a sexist manner, and when a woman behaves in a sexist manner, she is seen as acting more naturally. Men who are strongly sexist can be caught in a double bind: their sexism leads to behavior that is socially unacceptable for women, yet socially acceptable for them due to their social context. This can leave them feeling confused and guilty. If they are unwilling to break the pattern, they may also feel ashamed and humiliated because they are being viewed as “chauvinist” by their peers. When this happens, they may feel overly punished or may simply feel that they are in an impossible situation.
Gender bias can also be exhibited in stereotypes and jokes about one gender. Some of these stereotypes have become so rigid that we no longer even recognize them as stereotypes.
This week’s discussion regarding people with disabilities and the social and medical model of disability was very eye-opening and emotional for me to learn about. My mother is a burn victim that lost all function in her left hand, and still has some function in her right. Her incident happened 21 years ago, so she has adapted very quickly, although when she is in public some people stare or give her weird looks. The video of Judith Butler and Sunuara Taylor reminded me of me and my mother, and it was emotional for me to watch. My mother is an empath and she is very sensitive to how people perceive her. If she gets a disapproving look from anyone, she will automatically stop running errands and go back home. She will ask me to run errands for her instead. I get so worked up and angry at people, a look can say a thousand words. I would always ask myself, does her disability offend you? Are the slight imperfections in her skin becoming an inconvenience for you to look at? Why do people value being nice and accepting and preach about it but never practice what they say?
I have always stood for not changing yourself for others, but I supported my mother when she underwent all the cosmetic plastic surgeries to love herself. But, I believe it was other people’s perspective of her that needed altered, not her. The social model of disability focuses on making the world an accessible place for all kinds of disabilities. But I don’t think anyone would wait until everyone in the world got the memo, to be able to live life happily. To be able to feel comfortable, and not as a liability. I believe this is why some people depend on the medical model of disability, for an instant fix to a life-long impairment.
A happy ending that inspires me everyday, is after all the years of my mother struggling with her disability, she finally overcame everything and is now completing her Pharm. D. to become a pharmacist as she was pursuing before her accident. My views and opinions of disability fall in-between the social model and medical model of disability. My mother needed both to lead a successful life. She needed to somewhat conform with societie’s views by changing her appearance through surgery, which is what the medical model of disability stands for. But she also needed many accommodations throughout her undergraduate and graduate education to succeed, which is what the social model of disability stands for. Although the system of getting accommodations is not perfect, because it almost shames students for needing help. It is better than what other countries, as we’ve experienced, have. I believe in the soon future we will see a normalization for people who need are not totally independent, because it is about one third of the population. We need better education in schools about disabilities and how treat people with disabilities. There also needs to be a way to educate people about what accomidations are, because a lot of people do not even know it is available for them. Having an impairment is a struggle that no one should over come alone. Especially in today’s time, we have the resources and ability to make any opportunity the world accommodating to everyone.
I have many impairments. I need glasses. I need tasks repeated, written down in planners, reminded of multiple times throughout the day, written in front of me, with a harsh deadline in order to get done. I even had braces, and should be using my long-lost retainer inside a hot-pink case to keep that “aesthetic impairment” in check (sorry to my future dentist). But I don’t think I would have ever considered myself disabled until now that I’m facing mobility issues.
Read more: Dispair / *DespairTo be frank: I still don’t consider myself disabled. I just think the possibility is higher now. I’m older (not too old), and have had incredible stressors placed on my body (an example being COVID in May, as well as the mental stressor of work and a deteriorating friendship) – it’s natural for things to start “falling apart” or “not working as well as they used to”.
But buddy, if you have these impairments – surely you’ve been disabled this entire time! Like, sure, I guess. Except for the fact that my visual and cognitive impairments are the “more manageable” impairments that I face. I have glasses, although I need to go in to update my prescription every few years. I have ADHD, although I need to constantly ensure I can get access to adderall without jumping through ten thousand hoops – not to mention admitting my amphetamine results on drug tests are because of medication, something I am always embarrassed of (another conversation for another day). Mobility impairments aren’t in the same ballpark solely because the “solutions” are less accessible.
In order to check that my ankles are chronically messed up, I have to have routine conversations with my doctor. This means testing out theories of new/different shoes, stretches, exercise plans, and pain medications. Some of which could help, but only for a few periods of time. Others can have no impact whatsoever, or even make my pain worse. Once these are all ruled out, then comes the tests. X-rays. Blood tests. Gait checks. Then the waiting. Then the results. Then the realization, whether good or bad – that I need help. Then the vulnerable accommodations. Begging to be taken seriously, if I was even given the advantage of being taken seriously from the get-go, which not everyone is privileged to. I’m fortunate enough to be working somewhere where the walk from my car and the building isn’t too harsh, but from Parking Lot 29/Walker Apartments (wherever there’s a free commuter spot) to Engineering is absolutely unbearable. So the disability pass – if I even qualify for one – would only be for school, which already feels like a debate that’s waiting to happen: are you really disabled?
That’s when I circle the drain. Is it easier to just accept yourself as impaired, but not disabled? But then, how do you gain accomodations for such impairments? Do you just stick it out, saying it’s not worth it and continue suffering in silence?
Why has society ruined the idea of being disabled?
I cried while watching Aftershock when it first premiered, and I cried again when I had to watch it for this class. Of course, it is because I am a black AFAB person. Of course, I don’t like seeing women and birthing people die because they wanted to bring a new life into the world. But I have the hardest time watching that film because my own mother nearly died trying to give birth to me.
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Unruly Bodies 