Republicans have aaaaalways been progressive about women’s bodies. I mean, they really care about women! Why vote democrat, who will make you have to CHOOSE what YOU want to do, when you can vote GOP and have them decide for you? They are making things easier for women, thus giving us more time to care for our husbands and children.
Here is a list of why you should vote Republican in 2016:
- Do it for Ronald Reagan
Many a liberal know our real Lord and Savior, President Reagan, as the man who hated the homeless, put our country in national debt by buying weapons to compete with the Soviets, cut taxes for the rich, ignored the AIDS epidemic, and hated Unions. But he was much more than that! Who could forget the strong argument he had against climate change when he said “trees cause more pollution than automobiles do.” Ronald Reagan really cared about women, too. So much so that he thought abortion would kill other women! Listen to these immortal words:
“Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.”
What a smart and totally not ridiculous statement… He was a great president, and we are proud to have him as the face-claim of the GOP party. What a National Hero!
- Donald Trump
Now, Democrats have been trying to label the Trumpster (Not to imply that he is so full of garbage that he is closer to a Dumpster) as a “misogynist”. He can’t be sexist! He has a wife and a daughter! Beat that feminists! He has also commented on a number of women celebrities’ bodies. But maybe he is doing it because he cares… not because he is an unintelligent buffoon who can’t debate properly, so instead must attack women’s physical appearance.
- Planned Parenthood
Once again, we have heard from liberals who believe that “a women should be in control of her own body”. Yadda, yadda, yadda…. But how is she going to do that AND go to church AND take care of the children AND be a good wife. Vote Republican, and they do that part for you! See? They really do care. 🙂 And they sell body parts for science!!!! Didn’t you see that totally legit and unbiased video?! Who NEEDS ‘science’ when George Bush already proved that Creationism is what really happened and evolution is a lie? George Bush has never lied to or deceived us before!
When you are at work, and you hurt yourself, who can you depend on to help get you access to wages and legal representation? If you vote Republican, you can do it all yourself! I mean, it is kind of your fault you got hurt. Not the constant disbanding of Unions due to conservative bosses who don’t want you to be paid as much as you should…. and your manager who doesn’t want to give you full protection benefits at work to make sure your body won’t be effected due to harsh working conditions! Republicans just want you to invest in yourself! Don’t rely on others to help! Independence is key!
- Republicans Care About ALL Bodies
That’s why so many of them believe that All Lives Matter! I mean, yeah police brutality is killing African Americans at much higher rates than any other race, AND police are getting away with it. But All Lives Matter. 🙂 Just some more than others. Yeah I mean, they have denied health care to the poor and disabled, have made it a mission to deny women reproductive access, and want students to carry massive loan debts around until they’re dead… But they love the middle class! They are even denying minimum wage just so people will learn the value of working hard. How kind!
- Carly Fiorina
LOOK! THEY HAVE A HILLARY CLINTON TOO! SHE IS A WOMAN. LOOK! REPUBLICANS LOVE WOMEN. Feminists, I’m sorry but as you can see, Republicans don’t hate women. Conservatives just hate that she doesn’t smile enough, she dresses too femininely, she doesn’t have children, and that she talks over the men. The GOP loves women! (Except Hillary Clinton….)
- And Finally….
Their little mascot is an elephant. Who doesn’t love elephants? I think I’ve made my point! And no, I’m not trying to sound like Donald Trump answering every question he has ever been asked during his campaign….. Elephants are very smart creatures which is why they are associated with the GOP… I read a history book in grade school one time, I know my facts.
In case this post hasn’t been insanely obvious, this is satire. The Republican candidates care as much about body autonomy, women, and pretty much anything that isn’t money as much as they do about Obama Care. But now that I have gotten your attention and made you a little angry, perhaps, I get to talk about my ACTUAL message!! Please remember that as February grows closer, that voting is so important. While this post may not seem to be related to bodies, I cannot stress enough how voting is directly related to bodies. Last election, 1/2 of the country did not vote. By voting, we are taking control. Democracy is such an important tool that we have that Republicans do not want us to know that we have. By voting, we are telling our leaders that we will NOT tolerate policies that will limit access to reproductive health and wellness. We are electing leaders who we believe will serve us, and run our country by promoting body autonomy. So at the end of the day, remember to register and vote! Do it for your country, but also do it for yourself, your body, and for social change.