In class I was secretly, desperately hoping we would discuss people of mixed race. I am Korean and African-American. My mom is from South Korea and my dad is from Louisiana. I have identity issues.
I can’t speak a lick of Korean and I lived in Korea for three years. I feel ashamed most times when people ask, “Why don’t you speak Korean”, “Why didn’t your mother teach you”, “Are you going to learn”. I don’t know if I will sit down and learn the language one day. I don’t know. My dad is African-American, and he is albino. I didn’t know my dad was black till I was in middle school. My family has never had a conversation, a real convo, about his albinism. I am very light compared to other blasian or afro-asian people. I don’t fit the basic stereotype of a black person. We all know the stereotype and the ideas surrounding how a black person is. “You’re black? You don’t act black.”
One day I went to a discussion led by Rain Pryor. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rain_Pryor . I thought maybe I can relate to this woman. Maybe she knows what I am going through. Yeah, she does understand the crappy parts about being biracial, she definitely knows, but I couldn’t help but notice the cultural differences between her Jewish roots and my Korean roots. Weird shit man. I don’t really know how to explain properly, but you know how everyone is crazy….but everyone is a different type of crazy? The point of this is, I was hoping Pryor looked like me and had the EXACT same experiences as me. I want to know a blasian person who feels EXACTLY the way I do. Is that asking for too much because I want to know.
Then there is the problem of choosing which race to focus on more. My brother has a ton of black friends. He doesn’t completely disregard his Korean side, but he prefers to spend time with black people and immerse in black culture. Over the years I have had a lot of friends who are Caucasian and Asian (wasian), Caucasian, or black. I only remember knowing four kids to be blasian and they were darker than me. Halle Berry is an example of someone who chooses which race she wishes to be identified with: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/halle-berry-cites-drop-rule-daughter-black-white/story?id=12869789 . I can’t do the one-drop rule thing because I don’t look completely black or Korean. I can’t decide whether to be “more” black because my skin is so light. I can’t decide to be “more” Korean because I can’t speak Korean. And I don’t think I want to choose one over the other. I don’t want my future babies to have to choose. I want them to be them.
I also envy wasian people because they are white passing. This girl in my class can audition for white female roles because not only can she “look” Chinese, but she can “look” like a Caucasian girl. One day when I had my hair straightened she said, “You did that to look more Asian”. My fro is my fro and if I want to straighten it I can because it’s HAIR! It can be manipulated. And I also happen to be half Asian so yeah, I am probably and do “look’ more Asian when my hair is straightened.
The phrase “Black Lives Matter” gets to me because I am black, but I am not black. When I see people who are dark skinned express how they feel about their skin, I understand, but I know they won’t believe me because I am light-skinned. I will never be shot for my blackness; I will never be scared to walk down the street because of my blackness.
Jill Scott wrote this article awhile back: http://www.essence.com/2010/03/26/commentary-jill-scott-talks-interracial/ . I get it Jill. I totally get it, but then again I don’t. As a child of an interracial couple, I feel this sort of thinking disregards the whole point of people of various races being together. Interracial couples are proof it is possible to see color and appreciate the freedom to be together. But I know what she’s talking about because it’s hard knowing some prefer certain types of people. To have preferences isn’t bad, it’s just hard knowing someone might not think of you as a potential partner because of your skin color. Every time I check out a cute white boy I can’t help but think, “Oh he would never be interested because I’m not white.”
It would be nice to know about other people’s biracial experiences that are similar to mine. If anyone knows any authors who discuss their racial identity when it comes to being of mixed race, please let me know!
Personally, I always think being a mixed race is very cool and awesome, specially when you have a diverse heritage. I totally understand what you’re trying to say in here. And I am definitely hoping that maybe one day people will not be judged or first looked at by the color of their skin. Ideally prejudice should be a thing of the past, but I think right now, we still have got a long way to go.
Thank you so much for this post. Two of my closest friends are biracial, and I have often found myself wondering about how their experiences are shaped by that. It is unfortunate that more time wasn’t spent talking about mixed identities — I too have a “mixed” identity (though not in the way of race) and understand what it feels like to belong and not belong to a group at the same time. I think it’s an important subject, and certainly one that is not talked about enough.
I think this blog has some interesting reflections and resources: http://examiningmixedraceidentity.blogspot.com/. If you’re looking for some academic resources, this is a good start, with a good bibliography: http://www.amazon.com/Mixed-Race-Studies-Jayne-Ifekwunigwe/dp/0415321646/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1418071416&sr=8-4&keywords=mixed+race+identity. And now I’m off to rethink the class–thank you!!!
I have bi-racial cousins and I think as quiet as it’s kept, they have identity issues especially my two female cousins. They are half African-American and half Italian. They lived in a home in which they were heavily influenced by their Italian roots and their African-American roots were in a way disregarded until they attended college. They are light-skinned but I don’t think they necessarily can pass for white. I think they are really struggling with their identities because they weren’t taught to embrace both their ethnic backgrounds and so I think they feel that they should choose one. While their Italian roots were dominant in their household, they struggled with the fact that people in their area treated them differently because they were not perceived as being Italian but that they were perceived as being African-American. My two female cousins are also struggling with approaching white men that they find attractive because they worry that they will not find them attractive and reject them. It’s especially hard for them because they find white men extremely attractive.
This is such an interesting topic and it didn’t cross my mind until you wrote this! I have so many biracial friends that talk about how they can never fit in because they’re either (Black and White) or (Black and Spanish) and can never be accepted into either groups because they aren’t “enough” for either ones. But I’ve never met a Black and Asian person who also had these identity issues because everyone I am surrounded by is immersed in black culture. All the Blasian people I know identify as being black probably 95% of the time and even all the Asian people (including myself) I know are immersed in black culture. That’s not to say that we identify ourselves as being Black by any means at all, but we’re just a lot more into Black fashion, music, etc, than we are with Asian. For you though, I think that your identity really just has to do with which culture you identify the most with. If you love black culture, there shouldn’t be any shame in you accepting that because you are half black, and there’s no rule saying that you aren’t allowed to be into black culture if you aren’t black. The same goes for asian culture. You don’t have to choose which race you want to be more. You like what you like and that shouldn’t be a race matter.
Thank you for this blog! I read a book in my Race and Ethnicity in U.S. Literature (EN 369) called The Autobiography of an Ex-Coloured Man by James Weldon Johnson that discusses the idea of “passing.” This literary work gave me different ideas about what it is like to be a mixed person but then again the author was black and not mixed at all so it might be a little bit stereotypical in its reading. I think identity is hard to grapple with. I mean I am a black woman but given the things I like such as, metal music, belly dance, and reading fantasy for some reason or another I am not black enough. So that is basically there is politics behind identity but fortunately for you no person will have the same experiences you are having right now. I say fortunately because identity is what you make it and the decisions you make reflect you and you alone because their unique to you and your situation :-).