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Archive for November, 2013

From my high school 365 Project.

From my high school 365 Project.

My friend and I had been talking about assault. I was talking about how if anybody ever approached me violently, I would use my entire body against them. I would kick them in whatever sensitive areas I could perceive, rake my nails into their skin, and use my teeth like a sabertooth tiger gripping the haunch of a primordial deer. I would make them regret ever thinking I was somebody weak. I would make them regret ever thinking I wasn’t prepared. I was excited for that aggression. That excuse for the energy I can exert, the dominance I can show, the unbridled aggression that can finally be released. And that concerns me. Why do I want to rip off some poor fucker’s ear? Sure, if they assaulted me, a defensive maneuver or two is probably warranted, but why would I want them to bleed. Why am I so excited by this visceral urge? Why is my being able to service my aggression so enthralling? That’s what I really want to talk about. The embodiment of aggression.

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“Oh shit,” I yell, “I need to make a blog post!” I grab a computer, sit down and open up a document.

I can’t think of one intelligent thing to say.

Yes, this is a post that is going up now. I have an idea of what I want to say now. Before, when I thought about it, I didn’t know what to put here. Me, disabled? There’s no way. I get out of bed on time every morning, I make breakfast, I go to school, I do things around the house, I work, take care of the animals… There’s no way I’d ever classify my constant state of movement as ever being disabled.

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Ex-Smoker

In 4 days I will not have had a cigarette for 11 months.

Quit-Smoking-Cigarettes (more…)

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**This post is about breastfeeding. I hope you read it, but if not, please take a look at the resources I’ve linked, as there are many and I have found them to be invaluable tools for breastfeeding mothers.**

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Just the word “breastfeeding” brings mixed reactions. I don’t know many people who find it overtly offensive. I know many people who find it as natural as breathing. Most people I know are somewhere in between, approving of the act for its purpose and benefits, but feeling opposed to the actual witnessing of it. I myself have existed on various levels of acceptance as I’ve aged, so I’m not unfamiliar with the uneasiness it gives people. What I hope to do here as I share my personal experience is offer perspective, perhaps a chance for some to alter their view of breastfeeding by considering the breastfeeder.  (more…)

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disability-320trans

 

 

It is always the same scenario.  Someone who is either blind, struggling to guide their way throughout the bus with their walking stick tapping the ground in a rhythmic motion, or someone who cannot walk, as the bus driver has to take the extra minutes to load that individual in a wheelchair into the front of the vehicle.   While all this is happening, I usually look away uncomfortably.  But the question is why?  I’ve decided to answer with that I feel guilty.  But why should I feel guilty?  I haven’t contributed to what society calls their “disability”.  But somehow I feel somewhat responsible for the way the blind can never see the beautiful scenery during a hike, or the deaf may never be able to hear the wonderful melodies embedded in music.  Maybe it’s the fact that I enjoy these pleasures, that it is tearing me inside.  Sometimes I wish it was me . . . . that I was blind, deaf, lame, dumb and so on.  I feel that then the guilt would disappear because I would be stripped of the “pleasures” society says that I have.

But are the disabled really suffering? Is that a legitimate cause for me to feel guilty?  The strange thing is, I only feel this way towards disabled individuals that are strangers to me.  I know at least one person very well that is disabled.  And I wouldn’t even call her “disabled” because she is so driven and strong.  She doesn’t seem to experience any limitations and boldly reaches for the same opportunities that I or any other “normal” person would want.  Because of that, I feel no sense of guilt around her, she greatly inspires me.  Maybe if I stopped to look at the “disability” of others and feel sorry and crappy about it, as society has so often told us to do, I would see greatness and not sympathy.

To be honest, I never dared to express my thoughts on my guilt toward disabled people.  To me, I thought it was inappropriate to do so.  But now letting all my thoughts out here in this post for the first time, I’ve realized that it is society that is causing my guilt, not the disabled.  The disabled are not telling me to feel sorry for them, society is; the disabled are not telling me to look away, society is; the disabled are not telling me they are not enjoying life, society is.  And looking back on it, the way society is downgrading the disabled is really shattering.

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I love sewing, and I recently decided to make my own skirt and crop top to wear during the spring. There are tons of videos on Youtube of women designing and sewing together there own clothes, and I thought that it was an awesome idea. It is less expensive then buying clothing at stores and it allows you to be creative with the fabric and stitching. But sometimes I wonder if I start telling people that I make my own clothes, they will think that I am poor or have too much time on my hands. Is it really so bad to wear something you made yourself? What does that say about your social status? There are so many societal norms that dictate the way we live, and if you stray from those norms you are shut out from everyone. Why is this so? I guess it doesn’t matter as long as you are okay with it. Fashion designers sew their own clothing to give to consumers, so why can’t the consumers make their own designer garments? Who says you can’t be your own designer? I know that these “societal norms” that I am talking about is artificially created, but you can’t deny its reality either. It is the very thing that is driving our consumer society today.

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