Looking through everyone’s blog posts and the internet there is obviously a huge increase in talking about fatness, thinness and everything in between.
I think I realized what is starting to annoying me with it all.
I don’t have to love my body.
Sometimes I’m neutral, sometimes I can relish in my curves, sometimes I can’t. There are days in which I feel amazing, I can prance around in my underwear and admire myself in the mirror. Then there are days that I want to cut away at the fat just to get rid of it.
I am sick of people telling me that I am supposed to love my body. That real women have curves (only in the hourglass shape – if you have a different shape, well you’re fucked). If I don’t love my body everyday no matter what I’m a bad feminist. If I don’t look ‘fierce’ and have winged eyeliner, then I’m not doing a good job at being femme or being a fat body.
Because I can only have rolls if I dress them up.
Because being whatever body I have is a problem.
Because we can go on for hours about how media is poisoning our minds and giving everyone shitty self-esteem and the only thing we’re supposed to do is deal with it.
Because I can scream forever at the top of my lungs I’m beautiful and fierce and amazing. But at the end of the night I still have to peel off the stockings that kept my fat in the acceptable position to achieve the right type of curve and massage away the angry red indents in my flesh.
And after all that, I’ll have to do it again the next day.
Because it hasn’t actually changed anything. The same person who yelled fat ass will still probably call me a fat ass.
Do not tell me how I am supposed to feel about my body. Tell them to stop making me feel like shit about my body. Stop making my feel guilty when I don’t love myself every damn minute of the day. Look at yourself and think about the ways you are still policing bodies by telling them whatever cheesy positive bullshit you regurgitated from the internet.
This is my body. And I will feel however I want about it.